I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly

If I were famous and some paparazzo had taken a picture of me, I would surely earn a spot on Fugging it Up today. Most definitely w/ a clever headline..."She's Sweet, but She's Fugged Up".

It's not the outfit itself (the skirt does scream "Please don't let the 80's resurgence die!" while the shirt is but an innocent participant) but the way it looks on the the subject (re: me). I won't take this time to insult myself (I don't want that familiar roll of the eyes), but I'll just say that I've looked better.

This weekend, I will make myself beautiful. I will get a haircut that doesn't make my head look like it wasn't cut by a blind retarded 6 yr old. I will paint my nails, so as to avoid biting them. I will use lotion before I go to bed and place cucumbers on my eyes so as to be pro-active about aging* (highly unlikely). I will find clothes that accentuate my good body parts (below the knee) and hide the bad (mid-section). I will adorn myself w/ jewlery so as to draw attention to my neck (this is sexy, no?) And I will do yoga.

I'm booking my trip for Theresa's wedding today. It's not until late January, but seeing as how prices have already risen $20 since yesterday, I better act fast. So this will be wedding #3...and wedding #4 will be in May. I'm still in the majority (meaning: singletons) but I wonder when this will change? At what point will I actually have to buy a man-shaped body pillow out of desperation and lack of hope?
R.